One of the things I try to do with this blog is strike the right balance between honesty and optimism. After all I started blogging about this as part of a self-encouragement effort. So perhaps at times I play down some of the issues with weight-loss. Partly that’s because I have been surprised at my own success. However, even given that, there is something that needs to said, and said clearly.
Losing weight is hard.
As in not easy. As in it takes work, effort. It takes time so if nothing else it require persistence. But whilst I once thought of that as “Motorway Driving” (easy but boring) I’m not sure I still do. It’s more like a long walk (of which I’m now very familiar due to Lesamy) – not difficult but requiring persistent effort.
I’m mentioning this because I’ve been finding it tough. Last week I had my “reckless weekend” and this week I’ve had a slightly ill-thought-out evening. What these are euphemisms for are me getting fed up and binging. This has included real comfort eating, in the sense of eating as an “escape” from certain worries in the same way as drinking can be sometimes.
This is tough because having realised that I’ve got further to go in terms of time than I’ve come – possibly as much as twice as long – actually brings me down to earth a bit. Up until now I haven’t felt like I won’t make it eventually. I’ve had my freebies and my weeks where loss has been slow, or even gone the wrong way. I’ve had my whinges and things that have gotten me down – colleagues that don’t notice, my own apparent inability to “see” the loss etc – but underneath there’s been a bedrock of determination to keep going. I have to admit that has now been shaken.
All these battles are psychological. In the end it is about keeping going. It’s about keeping going for a long time. It’s about getting going again when you do slip. These have been areas I’ve not traditionally been known for being strong in. I feel like it would help if I had a clearer idea as to why I’m doing this. So far my best answer to that is that I want the sense of achievement of making my goal. Things like health benefits are secondary at best and as I’ve discussed before could probably be achieved without focussing on weight – I could throw out my scales and still get fit.
So anyway, that’s some “honesty” for you. To balance it here’s some optimism. First today I had the second person tell me that they’d noticed I’d lost weight. Second I have now lost the weight I put back on and a little more. (There was some doubt over my scales but I changed the battery and it seems to be right.)
Weekly loss: 2kg (4.4lb)
Total loss: 34.9kg (76.9lb or 5st 6lb)
To target: 33kg (72.7lb or 5st 2lb)
Number of people who’ve noticed without being told: 2
Current weight: 109.2kg (240lb or 17st 2lb)
It’s hard – but I intend to keep going – to do that I need to recognise, celebrate even, all the positives.