The Crazy Idea

I haven’t blogged for a couple of days and that’s unusual at the moment. I had an idea and instantly thought I should blog about it but haven’t because I’ve started to consider it and what worries me is how reasonable it’s starting to seem. It would certainly mean big changes.

Anyway, more of that in a mo. I spoke with M. tonight and she asked about my blog so I told her about the last entry. She got a bit upset because she asked about it and I snapped a bit. I just find it odd describing a blog entry I’ve already written. If I’ve already taken the trouble to express myself then re-inventing that thought seems tiresome. However, that’s not M’s fault.

Part of the problem is it’s September which is a busy time for her workwise. It also means she works more evenings. So the time we’re talking maybe later and she maybe more tired. So the quality of talk is a little down. Having said that, this time last year we fought a lot. We’re fighting less and the ones we’ve had have been less severe and have led to more understanding. At least I think so.

So anyway, the crazy idea…

I’m off work at the moment and my typical day consists of getting up, reading the web a bit, going out to buy food etc, more web, maybe a bit of TV, some writing, chat with M. and bed. I got to thinking how I enjoyed it like this. I’m relaxed enough to actually get to make myself spend at least some time writing – as oposed to feeling like winding down from work. Then it hit me that there’s no reason why I couldn’t live like this permanently.

I’ve got enough savings to survive at least a year without worrying about money. I could move back north where living’s cheaper. Maybe sell the car. Sell some of the other stuff I’ve accumulated on eBay or whatever. Live a simpler, less cluttered life and just write. Write every day and write seriously and try to sell what I write and see where it leads.

The scary thing is that it makes sense.

So what’s stopping me? Well for one, I’ve got a good job and am financially secure. Why give that up when I could write in my spare time? Bear in mind too that I gave up a job once before and didn’t work for five months. In that time I was either going to write a novel or some software. I did neither. I did write a short story and I read a lot. (My Legendary Girlfriend was a book from that time.) So I can easily see me taking it easy and not doing very much. Under the guise of ‘being a writer’ I might just become a slob.

I think I have just enough fear to stop me doing that. I think if I had nothing else to do I would write. When I quite my old job, I had an idea that I wanted to do something else, something not-IT, but in reality I quickly decided to only wait until after Christmas to apply for another job (I finished end of Sept ’99). If I do this I think it would be important to give it a specific period of time, of no less than a year.

After all, I’m not getting any younger and life is not a rehearsal (as a potential writer I’m ashamed of that cliche, as someone who’s up late I don’t care).

One other thing that stops me – or actually delays me – is my job. The company I work for is a global software company. They announced a little while ago that they’d be shedding 5% of the employees or 800 jobs worldwide. I’ve seen something recently that said it might actually go as high as 10%. I’ve also heard semi-reliable rumours that October is when many of these job cuts will be announced. So it’s probably worth waiting a week or two after I get back. If they make me redundant – and I have no idea how likely it is that I’ll be in the firing line – I’d definitely go for this plan. And of course if they make me redundant then I’ll better off financially than if I just resign.

Scary stuff – so why do it seems so reasonable?


About shuggie

My name is Shuggie, Paul or LatePaul depending on where you know me from. I work in computers (databases) and occasionally write about softw
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